7∕6∕25
There are things that I do that I would like to not do. Thoughts that run through my head. Every morning when I get up, I make the sign of the cross, go to empty my bladder and here come the thoughts. What I must be done, what I have done, what I might do, what I want to do, images I've seen played over and over in an increasingly worse manner, imaginations and desires. Its all so tiresome in the end. I want to do better, the things I have to do I have recognized. I used to do many of these things, or I did for a short time before going back to the worse way, or have been told that I must do them.
this may be edited sometime in the future If I think of better ways to say what I mean to say.
We are all communicating information at all times whether we want to or not. Information is not just speech, though it is related. Speech often provides context for the information. Information is sent/received subconsciously, without thinking. Context often comes with information, so we can safely assume that first impressions are mostly accurate. You should try to understand what you're getting across by the way dress, speak, and act. This is not to say that your impression of yourself is accurate, especially if you're self absorbed, or are anxious, or do not have a real sense of self. The information you wish to communicate should be understood by you and you should desire to communicate it.
No matter how many hoops you think you might have to jump through, if you place the drug where it is still easy to grab where your hoops are now only posturing your likelihood of using the drug increases. But some drugs are not easy to put away, because of either our attachment to them or because us being attached to them. Therefore you have to in the case of the former take precautions to slowly wean yourself off of it before you go cold turkey. Or in the case of the latter put these drugs in a certain way where you can't just grab them and use them.
Occasionally you will notice that a fire is lit. Either you can see the arsonist, you are the arsonist, or it is the goofball himself or his servant who is invisible and cannot be seen. Even if it is not visible the ash still remains, the heat still remains, or both of still remain. We cannot feed the fire, it will in the end destroy us. Feeding the fire is prayer to yourself, and abuse of yourself. Whenever a fire is lit, go outside, prostrate yourself before God, talk to someone, do something.
There is a scale of how well we know people. From unknown or known of, acquaintance, grand acquaintance, know well, Friend, to Good Friend. We tend to have trouble talking to the grand acquaintances, this intermediate stage where we know someone decently well from either speaking to them at an introductory level or from also learning about them from other people but don't know them well enough to have a good conversation with them. So what do we do? It is simple. Do not worry about the anxiety you feel, or stress over every word that you say, slight movement, or tone of voice. Force yourself to speak to people you don't know, and among the Grand acquaintances continue to speak to them afterwards.
There is a pit that we placed before us (for a variety of reasons) that we are quick to jump into. That now four times we've gone in. A pit has no love or conversation. Its only just an end to cure our drive. That drive is better spent on God. We desire to marry young and grow old. Yet we know not one girl whom we are close to that we would pursue. It is better to say we are interested in someone than to say we like or even love (in that romantic way) them. This mindset is better because it doesn't commit us to anything while someone is only in the grand acquaintance stage of knowing them.
No one can read your mind. People only know what they know, they are not in your mind. They cannot read your mind. Do not speak assuming that everyone knows you or the knowledge that you have. If you do, apologize, do not be haughty or uppity about it, and try to explain.
Swearing does nothing but make you look ridiculous. Its crass, it makes you look immature and oozes a lack of sincerity. Sincerity should be had at all times. Insincerity should avoided at costs as it disturbs peace. Seriousness should be loathed.
We have already several books that we intend on reading, but we must understand why we have to read. The internet has trained us to not enjoy reading, that answers are easy and one-dimensional. This doomscrolling is a common cause of fire. It wastes time. It causes us to not pay attention to real world, instead to many different fake worlds. Some things found are "good" but bread is spoiled by a little bit of mold.
There is only one disorder that harms society, Dysphoria. Where people have an idea of who they are in their head that does not conform to reality. So once they have to live in the real world they feel that reality is not real and that the version they have in their head is more real than reality. The fake version of themselves will often be malleable, or not entirely perceived by them. So they are vulnerable to suggestion, and they can be told whatever is expedient by someone to make them do whatever a person would like them to do. The actual solution is to develop a sense of self. Though many will often suggest more costly forms of treatment.
Flee all phantasy. Phantasy is not fantasy. Though it can be the same thing. Fantasy would be something that is not real that we understand is not real that we treat as being not real but still engage it with it. Phantasy would be something that is not real that we may understand is not real but we treat as being real. In fact we may engage with it as though that phantasy is more real than reality itself. If you cannot separate fantasy from reality then you probably shouldn't be engaging with make believe or with abstract concepts.
The lord says “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” in Matthew 28:20 (this is not the full the verse). Why are you afraid of anything? Do you not believe that you have the lord living and abiding in you, although unworthy of it. Do you fear being alone? You're not alone, God is always with you.
If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. However, if lies are being propagated and you can indeed say something it may be better to say something kind than to say nothing. Especially, it is better to say something kind than something nasty.
The old man is dead, he died with Christ. Nathan is dead, in his place stands Nathan but occasionally the old man wants to live again. Old passions flair up and cause strife. Old habits die hard. Change is repentance, and the Christian life is a life of struggle, a life of repentance, and a life of prayer and communion with God.
In the past you may have attempted to schedule your entire day. Wake up at 5, shower at 5:45, drink coffee at 6:00, read at 6:10, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Your day should have a blueprint, but can't be actively scheduled down to the minute. Sometimes mishaps occur. And they are unfortunate. This being said, strive to have a consistent bedtime and a consistent waketime at least.
The Christian life is a life of prayer and a life of struggle. A life of repentance and communion with God. Outside of that, all else. Family, work, love, school, food, and what have you come second. Put your prayer first, at the beginning of the day and at the end. Before you eat, and after.
Focus on one thing. Say you have several projects you would like to do, several you have started, several other things that you need to do. How can you get any of them done if you split your mind up into bits and pieces across everything? You're essentially splitting yourself into several microscopic versions of yourself overtime, and they don't reconnect perfectly. Multitasking itself isn't bad but splitting your attempts to learn and understand things across several different things can be. The point I'm trying to get across here is that you should not watch videos while working (its not helping you and you know it) and you should not listen to music with lyrics while working (its not helping you either). Though you might remove the “with lyrics” to cover all music if even that distracts you.
We have said that we're accustomed to many of the "finer things in life" but we're "not above working for them." Yet we seem to believe that we can have it all now. That now is the time where we will be rewarded with what several years of hard work (that hasn't been completed) should be paid off with. Perhaps this is better covered in XIX but we're still that way. The rewards we should seek are heavenly, and not the rewards of this world. If they ever do come, then thanks be to God for them, solely. If not, God's will be done.
You cannot hold anything against anyone ever. It hurts, especially if everyone around is, from an objective sense, awful. This matters? Those at your job aren't there to be your friends, they're supposedly there to complete a perhaps similar job as you. For instance, say don't show up one day. On a very busy day. But they show up the next day. Do not hold that against them, forgive them and move on. There are of course some actions that are hard to forgive. Deep wounds on our soul, inflicted by someone who we may have loved. Lower forms of love cannot be expressed to them, but the highest form of Christ like love can indeed be expressed. Perhaps they ought to be held physically accountable for their actions, if so then they should be. Still though, forgive them and love them as Christ would.
You should have no expectation of anything other than death. Do not fear death, because death will happen eventually and Christ has overcome death. Do not assume that you will succeed in everything you do, that you are owed anything from any body and especially from God. Go in praying that God's will be done, and assume that what will happen is that you will fail. Keeping in mind that there is a possibility of success but to not stress the success or the failure too much. If you do this, the stress of any possibility is low, the feeling of loss and impact at failure is diminished, and the satisfaction of success if successful is grand.
You have previously put your cross behind yourself, which leaves some degree of ambiguity as to whether or not you try to live the Christian life. Do think that anybody will care? That it matters? If they're repelled by Christ and his cross then they live in communion with demons and you should, still love them, but not desire to gain interest in them.